For Singles

Singles with Diabetes, a Meeting Place

O.K., Singles. This is your space. Am I crazy to believe that single men and women who have diabetes may want to correspond with, and ultimately talk with members of the opposite sex -- others who also have diabetes -- with the ultimate object of creating a twosome?

I need to hear from y'all (Yes, I used to live in the South:)

How would you like to see this space develop? Would you like to be able to fill out a Profile and leave a description of yourself, perhaps even a photo like they do on Match.com or other Internet dating service sites?

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What's that button on the left-hand menu entitled, "For Singles," about?
If having diabetes isn't hard enough, being single and having diabetes sucks.
When do you tell your date that you have diabetes?
If you take insulin, do you inject yourself during the dinner date?
What happens when you just don't have the energy to be romantic?
And, the $64 question: How Can You Find Someone Who Will Love You Even Though You Are Diabetic?
I have asked myself those questions ever since my own divorce which took place only a few years after I became diabetic. That was before I was in control of my blood sugars.
Diabetes-fueled mood swings were certainly a factor in my breakup. Now, my diabetic condition is under control and I'm basically a happy guy, but still, sometimes I despair about finding a "Significant Other" who will understand and love me regardless of diabetes.
What about You?
It struck me that there are other diabetic singles in the same boat. Are you up the same creek without a "Significant Other" to help you paddle?
What we need is a safe, inexpensive electronic meeting place. This site, or a sister site, could become such a place.
My question is simply this:
If we created a forum that would shield your identity -- perhaps like the popular general interest dating sites that cater to the general public -- would you participate?
E-mail me your answer at drbreecher@diabetesreview.com

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Until we decide on a format, and until I get a posting mechanism in place, we will just have to use the basic "Contact Us" form posted below. With your permission, I will copy and paste your letter onto this page. Be sure to leave your real e-mail address in the form. I won't post your real e-mail address, but will need it to forward any responses that you might get. Alternatively, you might want to establish a special annoymous e-mail address just for this correspondence so that anyone who wants to can contact you directly can do so.

I'm posting my own letter to "My Future Beloved" here as a model. I am quite revealing of myself in this letter. You might not be comfortable being so open and that's all right, share only what you are comfortable with.

But remember, it is safe to be open and honest because this is a posting that you will sign only will a penname or blind e-mail address. Remember, it is supposed to be a letter to "Your Future Beloved" so conceptionalize what it is you are looking for in a man or a woman and ask for it.

Don't be frightened about asking the Universe for what you want. You might get it.

The following is about the type of person I am and the type of person I am looking for (and who, hopefully, is looking for me:)

LOVE LETTER TO MY FUTURE BELOVED

When we meet, I will discover that you are warmhearted, intelligent, caring, and are a person who likes to touch and be touched.

I am an open, loving person with a lively intelligence, a sense of humor, and a compassionate heart.

You are looking for a permanent, life-long relationship with a man who will treat you with loving respect.

I am looking for a permanent, life-long relationship with a woman who will treat me with loving respect. We might have different strengths, but our differences will complement each other.

My love mate does not have to be physically perfect or a stunning knockout beautywise. If you are my beloved, you will always be beautiful to my eyes. Beauty really does come from within. I would like to be the person that your beauty shines upon.

Like most men, sometimes I can be dense and not be as emotionally sensitive as I should be, but I have learned to not take a good woman for granted and I really want to be there for you.

If you are a nurturer -- someone who can give as well as take, you will be brave enough to tell me what you need and even, if necessary (and in real world situations it occasionally will be), be brave enough to continue to tell me until you get my acknowledgement that I hear and understood.

Then, you will discover that my heart is in the right place, loving and caring for you.

I consider myself to be a great catch for a woman who can nurture and be nutured. That said, it is fair for you to ask, “If I am such a great catch, why am I single?”

I am a “catch” who was tossed back in the sea. Usually a confident man, my confidence regarding opposite sex relationships was shaken when my ex-wife left me. She believed I was not "the Rock" whom she married nine years previously. Why did she feel that way?

She was scared of what the future might bring. I had developed Type 2 diabetes.

If that scares you off -- like it did my ex-spouse -- so be it. Even with this chronic disease (it's not catching, you know:), I remain a healthy vital, productive person.

As a writer who specializes in health and medicine, I know how to take care of myself. I do what I need to do to live a long, healthy life and to avoid the medical complications that can strike those who do not control their B.S. levels (blood sugar levels, not the other kind of B.S.)

For instance, I take daily oral medications and even inject myself with insulin. I can understand how scary that can be to someone who doesn't understand the beneficial effect of those medications. So, it is true, the “Rock" has a few chips, but I am not shattered.

What about you? If you, my future beloved, also have a chronic illness, I will understand, accept, and appreciate what you have to do to live with it.

It is important to be health conscious, but not fanatic about it. There are simple routines that I have to adhere to including eating healthy foods, and exercising on a regular basis. Consequently, I walk, or exercise on an elliptical trainer, or work out with weights, 30 minutes a day at least three days a week. However, I am certainly not an athlete.

Would you like to walk or work out with me? It would be an opportunity to establish and maintain good communication and enhance our health.

Still, please realize that I am a continuing "Work in Progress." For instance, I am in the rebuilding mode financially, as well as healthwise.

Like most writers, my income fluctuates. It can be six figures one year and then plummet significantly. Still, over the years I, and those I care about, have never gone hungry or without shelter or basic necessities. In the past, I single-handedly financially supported two families paying child support and alimony to support my wife and first two sons even after I had remarried. I certainly don't regret spending that money. The reward is that I have been able to retain ties with my sons from that marriage. And, now that they are grown, one has made me a proud grandpop! Wait, I have a several photos . . . .

I admit to have been a spender, not a saver most of my life, but that is changing. Except for my 2004 Toyota Prius, I am debt-free. Although I once accumulated a few of the accessories of wealth, I haven't kept them. The 3-bedroom + den house on the golf course with the screened-in patio and pool in Palm Beach county, the emeralds as investments and as gifts to the spouse, and the stock portfolio are long gone.

Still, my earnings capacity remains strong. Royalties from previously published books have dwindled, but in the past they financed my return to school in mid-life to earn a masters in public health,and a doctorate in mass communication. Those academic degrees still contribute to my continuing success as a writer/author.

I have been a writer for over 35 years recreating myself during this career as a reporter, editor, public relations specialist, hospital PR director, university doctoral student and college writing instructor, medical writer and author, and more recently as a ghostwriter and as creator of this website.

Ghostwriting is why I moved to California in 2001. I was hired as a ghostwriter to help a physician write a book, a project successfully completed. One ghostwritten book led to another, and another, and another, and then to the editorship of the UCLA Diabetes Perspective newsletter and then to what I am doing now; creating and maintaining this website. Of course, I still help physicians write books, and I also work as a Personal Historian helping senior citizens write their autobiographies (see MauryBreecher.com).

Life continues to be an adventure. On the plus side, I have developed an empathy for others who might not be as healthy as they were when they were younger. On the negative side there's my own major health problem, diabetes.

But wait! Even that has turned into a learning experience. (One thing I have learned is that I am a loving, supportive man who doesn't focus on the negatives).

Isn't that the type of man you desire?

Speaking of desire: I am also passionate and good in bed.

Now why do I claim that?

It's not all ego. I mention it because sex is an important aspect of a loving romantic relationship and there are many misbegotten beliefs about diabetes and sexuality. I certainly don’t believe all the myths, including those about aging. Older is better when it comes to unhurried caresses. The mind is the most sexual organ of the body.

O.K., enough on that, at least here and now. It's better to show, rather than tell on that subject, don't you agree?

I love to walk on the beach or in nature. A perfect date would involve watching a sunset and walking hand-in-hand, having a good conversation with by beloved. When relaxing, I like to listen to jazz, classical musical, or "Golden Oldie rock and roll.” I am an avid Science Fiction reader; a person who likes to read a lot in general. I draw the line when it comes to reading most works of fantasy and sword & sorcery novels. Those books revolve around magic, not science so while they may be classified as speculative fiction, they are not science fiction. I especially admire the work of the old masters from Science Fiction's Golden Years, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, and Clifford Simack, and particularly enjoy the work of more modern SF authors including David Brin, Greg Bear, Ben Bova, the Haldermans, Elizabeth Moon, and Spider Robinson. On the popular front, I enjoy Tom Clancy, but dislike most of Stephen King's novels because I dislike the horror genre.

What about you?

What are your interests, joys, fears, and accomplishments? What do you to read and what do you like to do for recreation?

I imagine that in many ways your interests will parallel mine, but I hope to also delight in our differences and savor the things that give you enjoyment.

Relationship "Deal breakers" for me include the lack of an open mind, dogmatic beliefs, and the lack of a positive attitude. Crap happens in life. It can pull one down, but an overall positive attitude, a sense of curiousity, and a belief that most of the time you can make a difference and achieve what you set out to achieve, is essential to me.

That said, warmth, humanity, compassion, and empathy -- the willingness to mentally and emotionally walk in another's shoes -- must also be part of the personality of my beloved.

Naturally, I believe I manifest those traits myself. Of course, I fall short of the ideal in all those areas. Nevertheless, I recognize that there are ideals and while I might not always reach them, I more than meet minimum standards:).

How about You? When I taught on the university level, my students described me as jovial. That fun-loving, confident side has been submerged for awhile, but obviously is again starting to re-emerge (or I wouldn't be writing and posting this:).

Can you encourage that side of me to bloom further and do you have most of the character traits just mentioned?

If so, I could love, cherish, and care for you the rest of our lives.

If I were writing this under a pen name, I would sign it, "Willing to Share Love."

Now it's your turn. Remember, I promise to keep your real name and e-mail address confidential.